I’m Avitable. Mike is my doppelganger.

None of us is innocent.  Each of us has been at a party or a conference or naked in a hot tub and when the conversation quieted down, motioned for the group to huddle together, looked around carefully, and said, “Did you hear the joke about the Canadian who . . .”

Or maybe you were a part of that group, and you glanced around nervously to make sure that none of our Great White Northern neighbors were around before laughing uproariously at the latest jokes about maple syrup or saying “oot”.

Well, unlike the rest of you racist fucks, I don’t hide when I tell or hear Canadian jokes. I know I’m not racist, because some of my favorite things are Canadian!

• Maple syrup
• John Candy
• Michael J Fox
• Light bulbs
• Duct tape
• Superman
• IMAX
• LeSombre
• Trivial Pursuit
• Bacon
• Cable TV
• Air-conditioned cars
• Keanu Reeves
• Ryan Reynolds
• Basketball
• Color film
• Liquid hand soap dispensers
• Telephone
• Ginger Ale
• Tracer bullets
• Air hockey
• Zippers
• Avril Lavigne
• Sarah Chalke

See? Now you’ll know that the next time I tell that joke about Celine Dion, unlocked doors, no guns, and a Queen, it’s not racist, because some of my favorite things are Canadian.