Yesterday Heather from Confessions of a Coal Miner’s Granddaughter wrote a post about how some dude asked her if she was pregnant. I’m slightly paraphrasing – I believe the term “baby bump” was used – but that’s only so you have an excuse to read her post if you didn’t already.

Anyways, I was going to hijack her comments by telling my embarrassing pregnancy moment on her blog, but thought it wouldn’t be nice and that I should instead write the story on my blog.

Of course being a guy I know about the golden rule of not asking a woman if she’s pregnant. To quote CMG:

You don’t ask a lady if she’s pregnant, not even if she’s in active labor and the head is crowning. If that’s the case, then avert your gaze and calmly ask if she’d like a Motrin or a some Pepto for her tummy ache. And then begin talking about the weather.

Indeed.

But being an funny man idiot, I’m always on the lookout for any way to shock people or make them laugh.

And that’s all you need as the set-up to the story. I think. So let’s go back to late 2003.

[Cue Harp Music]

The scene: My office, Tuesday early morning. Student from my old workplace (SFMOW) walks in. She’s an older student (late 30s) that I like, so we chat about all kinds of stuff. After a little bit she says:

SFMOW: Oh by the way, I’m pregnant! I’m so happy – we’ve been trying to have a kid for so long you know?

Me: Congratulations! How far along are you because you’re really not showing any sign of pregnancy?

SFMOW: I’m about a month and a half in at this point.

We continue talking about a few other things and she leaves.

Fast forward to about two weeks later. I hadn’t seen SFMOW since the last time we spoke, and she happens to be getting something at the photocopy center when I walk by. Now the photocopy center is a main hub, it’s also where the mail is delivered and then distributed to internal mailboxes, it’s where you go to get your parking validated, it’s in the corridor between the main cafeteria and the only elevator. In a  word, it’s where people gather all the time. There’s at least ten persons there when this exchange happens:

Me: Hey! Long time no see! How are you doing?

SFMOW: I’m doing great!

Of course, she still doesn’t look like she’s pregnant, and I figure that it would be really funny to ask her if she’s pregnant in front of all those people. People will gasp, they’ll think I’m an idiot and it’ll be even funnier once SFMOW says that she’s effectively pregnant. Hilarity.

Me: So, how far along are you? You’re huge!

Again, she really was not huge. It’s all part of the plan.

The crowd: GASP!!!

Me (thinking): Hehehehe. My plan is working.

SFMOW: I’m not pregnant anymore. I lost the baby last weekend.

The crowd: Le Big GASP!!!

And that is my embarrassing pregnant story. Told you I was a funny man idiot.

This happened in late 2003 and I’m still mortified when I think about it.