My most embarrassing pregnancy moment
Yesterday Heather from Confessions of a Coal Miner’s Granddaughter wrote a post about how some dude asked her if she was pregnant. I’m slightly paraphrasing – I believe the term “baby bump” was used – but that’s only so you have an excuse to read her post if you didn’t already.
Anyways, I was going to hijack her comments by telling my embarrassing pregnancy moment on her blog, but thought it wouldn’t be nice and that I should instead write the story on my blog.
Of course being a guy I know about the golden rule of not asking a woman if she’s pregnant. To quote CMG:
You don’t ask a lady if she’s pregnant, not even if she’s in active labor and the head is crowning. If that’s the case, then avert your gaze and calmly ask if she’d like a Motrin or a some Pepto for her tummy ache. And then begin talking about the weather.
Indeed.
But being an funny man idiot, I’m always on the lookout for any way to shock people or make them laugh.
And that’s all you need as the set-up to the story. I think. So let’s go back to late 2003.
[Cue Harp Music]
The scene: My office, Tuesday early morning. Student from my old workplace (SFMOW) walks in. She’s an older student (late 30s) that I like, so we chat about all kinds of stuff. After a little bit she says:
SFMOW: Oh by the way, I’m pregnant! I’m so happy – we’ve been trying to have a kid for so long you know?
Me: Congratulations! How far along are you because you’re really not showing any sign of pregnancy?
SFMOW: I’m about a month and a half in at this point.
We continue talking about a few other things and she leaves.
Fast forward to about two weeks later. I hadn’t seen SFMOW since the last time we spoke, and she happens to be getting something at the photocopy center when I walk by. Now the photocopy center is a main hub, it’s also where the mail is delivered and then distributed to internal mailboxes, it’s where you go to get your parking validated, it’s in the corridor between the main cafeteria and the only elevator. In a word, it’s where people gather all the time. There’s at least ten persons there when this exchange happens:
Me: Hey! Long time no see! How are you doing?
SFMOW: I’m doing great!
Of course, she still doesn’t look like she’s pregnant, and I figure that it would be really funny to ask her if she’s pregnant in front of all those people. People will gasp, they’ll think I’m an idiot and it’ll be even funnier once SFMOW says that she’s effectively pregnant. Hilarity.
Me: So, how far along are you? You’re huge!
Again, she really was not huge. It’s all part of the plan.
The crowd: GASP!!!
Me (thinking): Hehehehe. My plan is working.
SFMOW: I’m not pregnant anymore. I lost the baby last weekend.
The crowd: Le Big GASP!!!
And that is my embarrassing pregnant story. Told you I was a funny man idiot.
This happened in late 2003 and I’m still mortified when I think about it.
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November 17th, 2009 at 01:22
Um… yeah… call me a chicken, but I never bring things like that up unless the woman brings them up first! You just never know what’s going on… even if you do…
Dave2´s last blog ..Bullet Sunday 157
November 17th, 2009 at 01:46
My boss asked me if I was pregnant the other day. I just told her I was plumping up for winter.
Sarah´s last blog ..Things I love Thirteen
November 17th, 2009 at 07:47
Wow, that’s awesome. I can only imagine how mortified you were. I usually get two fingers up to see if how dilated her cervix is before asking how far along she is.
Avitable´s last blog ..If a Hilly drinks and there’s nobody around, is she still drunk?
November 17th, 2009 at 09:42
@Dave2: I wouldn’t say you’re a chicken. You’re just smarter than I am.
@Sarah: If she asks you again when summer rolls around, tell her you’re gaining weight so you can get a big tan.
@Avitable: I now understand what you were trying to do to me at your party. I assure you I’m not pregnant, dude.
November 17th, 2009 at 10:18
Hon, as I said yesterday, ouch, ouch, and more ouch. I’m glad, though, that when the dust settled, she realized you were joking and didn’t know. Still painful, though.
And Adam, I just snorted coffee out of my nose. So glad I met you after having all my babies. That would have been awkward.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..The Other Shoe Has Landed
November 17th, 2009 at 11:25
Serves her right for giving you the automatic “I’m doing great!” response.
I didn’t realize it was possible to be “great” a week after losing your baby.
See? Really it’s all her fault. #silverlining
Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog ..The XXX Files : Wow I’m Really Fucking Behind
November 17th, 2009 at 14:37
Wow, you win. That’s going to take quite some beating. I never ever ever bring up anything to do with pregnancy ever. Just in case and all that.
Kevin Spencer´s last blog ..Why Is It?
November 17th, 2009 at 19:40
Yowza!
That is the suck. But a good blog post!
Sybil Law´s last blog ..Buzzed Posting
November 18th, 2009 at 09:37
@CMG: Oh she knew right away I was joking. That’s probably the only reason I didn’t die on the spot.
@SheilaCSR: That’s why I like you.
@Kevin Spencer: I’d like to tell you I learned my lesson, but we’d both know I’d be lying, right?
@Sybila Law: Yeah, I figured as long as I’m an ass, I might as well make a good blog post out of it.
November 18th, 2009 at 19:07
I understand why you’re embarrassed, but I bet that happened to her a lot during that time. It’s not like you maliciously knew she miscarried and said something hurtful to her.
I think you should forgive yourself for this one.
November 19th, 2009 at 22:11
Ouch!
Just ouch.
Employee No. 3699´s last blog ..11.20.09…
November 21st, 2009 at 08:59
@Poppy: Oh I did! But the feeling I had in that split-second is hard to forget.
@3699: But I’m much better now!