It’s been a while since I did this…
There should be a formula to calculate the weight to cost ratio of patio furniture. I guesstimate that every plastic chair under 200$ can support not the total sum of my weight. The same applies to wicker.
The sentence I fear the most: eating outside. It’s just a sentence I should get over it. But it’s a sentence.
I’m a fat guy, therefore I’m an easier target for mosquitoes. The problem is that I always get the older and slower mosquitoes or the mosquitoes in training – they have an instructor.
For some reason, “careful, the plate is hot” forces me to touch the plate but “that water is freezing” does not make me jump in. It’s like I don’t trust hot things. Also the reason I can’t keep my hands off my wife. Because of the hot part, not the mistrust part. When Paris Hilton said “that’s hot” I wanted to touch it. Not Paris Hilton.
When I was 16, having sex at light speed in cramped hot and stuffy spaces, half dressed while keeping quiet was pretty exciting. Now that I’m 38 I feel it’s a step backwards. I think I earned the right to have sex in a decent-sized room, on a decent-sized comfy surface, in a nicely AC’d room and making noise at a acceptable level. Come on people, I have two kids do you seriously think I never have sex? As long as I’m not going at it on the kitchen table in the middle of thanksgiving dinner, guests in my house should live with the occasional grunt and pant.
- If I go to your house because you invite me to eat a 25$ steak, I’ll most likely bring a 30$ bottle of wine. Please do not make me sit on a 5$ plastic patio chair to make things even. Speaking of patio chairs, there should be a formula to calculate the weight to cost ratio of patio furniture. I guesstimate that every plastic chair under 200$ can support not the total sum of my weight. The same should apply to wicker.
- The sentence I fear the most: eating outside. It’s just a sentence I should get over it. But to me it’s a sentence. You see, I’m a fat guy, therefore I’m an easier target for mosquitoes. The problem is that I always get the older and slower mosquitoes or the mosquitoes in training – the ones that have an instructor. I get bitten a lot.
- For some reason, “careful, the plate is hot” forces me to touch the plate but “that water is freezing” does not make me jump in. It’s like I don’t trust hot things. Also the reason I can’t keep my hands off my wife. Because of the hot part, not the mistrust part. When Paris Hilton said “that’s hot” I wanted to touch it. Not Paris Hilton.
- When I was 16, having sex at light speed in cramped hot and stuffy spaces, half dressed while keeping quiet was pretty exciting. Now that I’m 38 I feel it’s a step backwards. I think I earned the right to have sex in a decent-sized room, on a decent-sized comfy surface, in a nicely AC’d room and making noise at a acceptable level. Come on people, I have two kids do you seriously think I never have sex? As long as I’m not going at it on the kitchen table in the middle of thanksgiving dinner, guests in my house should live with the occasional grunt and pant.
- Every morning that I bike my ass to work, I pass by a colombarium. Every time I bike pass that place, I notice the grass has been freshly watered. I think if there’s one place people expect to see dead things, it’s around a colombarium.
In pure Call of Cthulhu tradition, I’ll keep the last bullet for myself for when the actual madness comes.
What is a colombarium? Is that where you buy Colombians?
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..Me and the International Baccalaureate Program =-.
I’m glad Adam asked!
And I am a huge target for mosquitoes. They freaking love me. No one around me gets bitten, and I’ll have like, 20 bites. I hate it.
You’re hot.
Stop touching yourself!
Haha
.-= Sybil Law´s last blog ..Sybil Homemaker =-.
@Avitable: I see the IB program works well.
You can read about columbaria or columbariums on Wikipedia. 
@Sybil Law: See my answer to Adam. In my case, if I’m in a room with 100 mosquitoes, 99 are on me and 1 is circling the light bulb. It sucks.
As a considerate blogger, you should have linked to the Wikipedia entry in your post so I wouldn’t have to go to all that effort of opening up a new tab, typing in wikipedia’s URL, searching for the word, and then finally learning about it.
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..Me and the International Baccalaureate Program =-.
It’s your right that you can have sex in a king sized bed squealing as loud as you want… just so long as your room isn’t next to mine and you don’t keep me up at night. Maybe you should just provide your house guests with earplugs.
I wouldn’t expect to see dead things around a colombarium… I would expect to see dead things IN a colombarium.
.-= NYCWD´s last blog ..Five Things I PPH About Personal Blogging =-.
I thought the point of cremation was so you could keep the ashes with you or spread them somewhere. I’m pretty sure no one in the world had the dying wish of being made into a creepy decoration at a church.
If you had loud crazy sex that led to uncomfortable morning coffee with your guests, people would stop wanting to stay at your house. I’m pretty sure that is a win/win situation right there.
.-= Sheila (Charm School Reject)´s last blog ..Vacation All I Ever Needed =-.
@Avitable: Considerate blogger? Moi?
@NYCWD: We’ll just have to make sure we don’t share a wall at Avitaween. Oh wait, I’m not sure if LovelyWife will be there. I’m much more quiet if I’m just by myself.
@SheilaCSR: I like the win/win.
I don’t mind if you have loud sex in the room next to me… cuz I do wear earplugs, and I have loud sex in the room next to my neighbors. (Ahem, Dawggy.)
.-= Poppy´s last blog ..Today is … =-.
I actually sat on and broke a cheap chair at a friend’s place. He reassured me it was cheap, but that didn’t exactly abate that fatass feeling I suddenly had.
.-= kapgar´s last blog ..Then we go back to school, yeah… =-.
I’m a huge magnet for mosquitoes too. It’s the worst.
.-= amanda´s last blog ..The Great Frontier =-.
You’re right. A columbarium should have dead trees and black cats and stuff all around it.
.-= Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..All in the Family =-.
So, when we invite you to dinner in our new place, we’ll eat inside, not on our awesome deck/backyard. Check
Mosquitos love me too. They have my whole life. I’ve been told it’s just because I’m a sweet person, but I suspect those people lie…
@Poppy: I can’t sleep with earplugs… It drives me insane!
@Kapgar: All of those chairs are cheap. I think they’re also rated for 2 pounds. Not a typo.
@Amanda: I feel your pain. It is the suck.
@CMG: I knew it!
@Suze: Well, if you invite me in December, I’m sure we can chance the deck/backyard.
if there are 100 mosquitoes in a room with me and 100 people, i leave with 155 bites. true. the little bastards love me. we must have good blood or something.
if you have loud sex in the room next to me, i might come watch.
.-= hello haha narf´s last blog ..Naked In A Hotel Hallway =-.
@Hello Haha Narf: I guess the question is: would you bite me?
I don’t know that we have colombariums down here. As Sheila points out we hang on to the ashes of our loved ones and spread them around here and there. (One of the baseball parks just put an end to this.) Farther south — Alabama, Georgia … you know, the states that are going to Rise Again! — they just put the urn in the back of their pickups, pop the top, and drive around until nothing is left of great grandpa except a little dust.
.-= delmer´s last blog ..Roboform Update =-.
@Delmer: Sweet. Some people do that here too, but I think most people use the colombarium or just bury the urn. Besides, who’d want to be spread around when it’s -40 (C/F) half of the year?
delmer, we have em. i just don’t think we call em that.
lesombre, you inspired today’s post with this ashes spreading stuff. so yes, i will totally bite you.
.-= hello haha narf´s last blog ..Naked In A Hotel Hallway =-.
@Hello Haha Narf: I’m curious to learn what you call them… And Rrrrrrrrrrrrrawr for the biting!