I’m Avitable. Mike is my doppelganger.
None of us is innocent. Each of us has been at a party or a conference or naked in a hot tub and when the conversation quieted down, motioned for the group to huddle together, looked around carefully, and said, “Did you hear the joke about the Canadian who . . .”
Or maybe you were a part of that group, and you glanced around nervously to make sure that none of our Great White Northern neighbors were around before laughing uproariously at the latest jokes about maple syrup or saying “oot”.
Well, unlike the rest of you racist fucks, I don’t hide when I tell or hear Canadian jokes. I know I’m not racist, because some of my favorite things are Canadian!
- Maple syrup
- John Candy
- Michael J Fox
- Light bulbs
- Duct tape
- Superman
- IMAX
- LeSombre
- Trivial Pursuit
- Bacon
- Cable TV
- Air-conditioned cars
- Keanu Reeves
- Ryan Reynolds
- Basketball
- Color film
- Liquid hand soap dispensers
- Telephone
- Ginger Ale
- Tracer bullets
- Air hockey
- Zippers
- Avril Lavigne
- Sarah Chalke
See? Now you’ll know that the next time I tell that joke about Celine Dion, unlocked doors, no guns, and a Queen, it’s not racist, because some of my favorite things are Canadian.
i love that ryan reynolds made your list. go adam!
hello haha narf recently said Sucking At The Daily Thing
Dude, Keanu Reeves? Seriously?
Dave2 recently said Goodbye
Mmm Ryan Reynolds
Amanda recently said Oh It’s Such a Perfect Day
Hmmm. I can’t help but notice I am nowhere on that list!
bluepaintred recently said Poor, Poor Me
You know for years I thought Duct Tape was Duck Tape.
Whenever I think of Duct Tape now I still picture ducks with tape around their bills. It makes me laugh.
Sarah recently said San Fransisco
Keanu Reeves is Canadian? I guess its true…you do learn something new each day. Love the list!!
Becky recently said Celebrate Good Times!
Hahaha. You admitted that you like Keanu Reeves. As if there weren’t enough evidence available to everyone that proves how gay you are.
Faiqa recently said Finding Johnny Castle
P.S. I, of course, mean “gay” in the homosexual sense. Not, “OMG, like, you’re so, like, gay.”
Faiqa recently said Finding Johnny Castle
Superman is only half-Canadian. At best.
And fuck that big blue boy scout anyway!
B.E. Earl recently said Comfort Food
Mmm Ryan Reynolds
Zanthera recently said To New York!!
How uncanny! Some of my favorite things are also Canadian! Really, I’m just happy to be one of Avitable’s “things”.
being canadian, i think i’ve heard every canadian joke there is!
On behalf of all Canadians. I’d like to apologize for Céline Dion. We’re really not sure what happened there but we’re pretty sure it’s creepy.
Nat recently said Loose, louse, lose.
Cooo… coo-coo-coo-ku-coo-coo-coooooo!
whall recently said It’s a bird, it’s a plane… it’s…
I can’t…. help… but notice that… William Shatner.
*pause*
… is not on your list at all!
shiny recently said List on the 3s: Shiny’s Top 6 Television Series He’s Never Watched
Superman is Canadian? Really???
No wonder Batman rules, eh?
NYCWD recently said The Moment Has Come
You forgot SciFi Dad and Redneck Mommy. They’re Canadian.
Father Muskrat recently said through a toddler’s lens
Where’s the Canadian bacon? And I’m fairly certain that the banana hanger is Canadian…
Finn recently said Something, Something, Something
Pssssshhhh you lie.
You don’t like basketball.
[Based upon your previously mentioned hatred for spectator sports. Wait. That was you right? Hmmmm.....well, either way, this is the comment you are stuck with. If saying you don't like basketball is wrong, I don't wanna be right.]
Sheila (Charm School Reject) recently said Celebrate!
Faiqa said it so well I don’t need to repeat it.
Keanu Reeves?!!!!!
Sybil Law recently said 1- 26 – 1977
Ahem……you seem to be missing another Canadian treasure on that list……ME! What the hell, dude.
Dragon recently said Mocha Caramel Brownies
You had me at “Ryan Reynolds”.
I had no idea about Keanu though. I could have sworn he was native born and bred Californian, what with the way he speaks and all.
Hilly recently said Happy Birthday, Dear Adaaaam….
What about big cars on I75 with Ontario plates. They are going to Florida and have screens over the radiator to catch bugs.
chamblee54 recently said Inauguration Panorama
Shiny stole my comment.
I’m surprised Avril wasn’t on the list more than once;-)
Turnbaby recently said Until The Ice Breaks
You forgetted Redneck Mommy and ME!
mmmm bacon….
Karen Sugarpants recently said Happy Birthday Fucker
Hellohaha, he’s awesome. I have a hetero man-crush on him.
Dave, yeah, Keanu was good in the Matrix and made a good Constantine. I’m a fan.
Amanda, that’s how I feel about Sarah Chalke (Dr. Reid on Scrubs)
BPR, I was going to list all of the Canuck bloggers but decided just to list Mike since it’s his blog.
Sarah, it doesn’t help that they have a brand actually called “Duck Tape”.
Becky, I had no idea, either.
Faiqa, what’s wrong with Keanu? He’s Neo!
BE Earl, damn you and your Superman hate.
Zanthera, I remember him as the goofy Jim Carrey wannabe on Two Guys. It’s nice to see that he’s grown into a decent actor.
LeSombre, my gay plaything, that is.
Ed, I make up all of my Canadian jokes on the spot.
Nat, she’s just gotten weirder and weirder over the last few years.
Wayne, what?
Shiny, I only like old Shatner. Young Shatner sucked.
NYCWD, Superman rules and Batman drools!
Muskrat, I only listed Mike – I have a lot of Canadian bloggers who are favorites, but I figured that would be too long of a list.
Finn, banana hanger? Is that like a banana hammock?
Sheila, that’s the only sport that I would go watch in an arena, and I enjoy shooting hoops sometimes. So there!
Sybil, why does everyone hate The One?
Dragon, all of you already know of my unconditional love.
Hilly, me too. It was very surprising.
Chamblee, they drive too fucking slow!
Turnbaby, well, she is probably my top favorite Canadian thing, right after Michael J Fox.
Karen, I didn’t forget – I just had to keep the list short!
@Avitable – oh come on. You haven’t seen Strange Brew and can quote any part of it at any time?
Pshaw.
whall recently said Stuff you don’t want to MISC, #65
Wayne, I’ve seen it two or three times but I’ve never reached the level of quoting with that level of perfection!
Avitable recently said I’m in Canada
@NYCWD – no, superman rules. See?
http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=sr_list_14&listing_id=19091206
Karen Sugarpants recently said Happy Birthday Fucker
What? No William Shatner on there? Come on! He’s great the past few years! And what about me? I’m not only Canadian, I’m French-Canadian!! eh!
Which Bacon is Canadian? Kevin or his brother?
always home and uncool recently said Run for Someone’s Life
For future reference, what’s the minimum number of favorite Canadian things I should have so that I too can tell Canadian jokes with impunity?
Girl, Dislocated recently said The show must go on
I just made a dirty joke about a candy cane. Does that make me Canadian?
How come ‘Fantasy Writer Guy’ is not on your list, bitch!
Fantasy Writer Guy recently said Joy
Dude you never cease to amaze me with the ridiculous amount of useless knowledge you cart around in that brain of yours!!!!
Or do you just use google a LOT???
michelle recently said OUCH!!! Can You Really Break Your Penis?? I Mean Toe???
I might as well move to Canada … I love everything and everyone that was on that list Avitable.
The Mad White Woman recently said The Man Thing Has Lost It…Seriously